Most wives would immediately feel upset and disappointed when their husband declares that he is unhappy. As someone that has been on the receiving end of this admission, you are probably no different. In actual fact though, this can be a positive thing. Why? Because he has been honest with you.
It’s much more worrying, and far more difficult to overcome problems when one (or both) of a couple pretend things are OK and keep going through each day not facing up to the actual reality of the situation. At a quick guess, I’d say 60-70% of married couples go through the motions without facing up to the truth, at least for a while – so being in the other 30-40% certainly isn’t a bad thing.
Where To Go From Here
How your husband actually expressed that he is unhappy could be important. Did he say it during an argument? Did he sit you down and tell you? Did he blurt it out out of nowhere? If it was during an argument, he was probably on the defensive and his emotions got the better of him. If he sat down and told you, that shows great maturity and willing to be honest. If he blurted it out out of nowhere, it has probably been heavy on his mind for quite some time. The second one of those would be the ‘best’, but whichever one it is, you need help getting to the bottom of things and hopefully moving forward.
Firstly, it would be really helpful to try and ascertain why he is unhappy. Ideally, he will have told you. If so, that’s a great starting point. If not, you can either ask him directly (that’s what we’d recommend, with the right approach) or reflect on the last few weeks/months/years and try and figure out why. Think about all the different areas of your marriage, and even areas outside of your marriage that could be contributing to the way he currently feels.
Just because he is unhappy, doesn’t mean it is your fault. First and foremost, we are all responsible for our own happiness. With that said, it would be really beneficial to take a close look at the areas you have identified that are causing him to be unhappy, and see if you can improve them. Maybe you can encourage him to spend more time pursuing his hobbies or try and make more time for physical intimacy(let’s be honest here – that’s one of the keys to male happiness!), or just try and make the time you spend together more enjoyable.
Bear in mind that generally speaking, men find it more difficult to open up and talk about their feelings and emotions(Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus). So don’t expect him to fully open up straight away. It might take time. Remind him that you are there for him, and want to try and work through any issues to make things better.
You Are Equally As Important
Are YOU unhappy? Maybe you felt things were going well between you and your husband and this has come as somewhat of a shock. Or maybe you feel slightly relieved because you were feeling the same as he is. Take some time to think about what you want from the marriage, and life in general. Ideally, both of you will be happy and will grow together. It can take some work to get to that point though. If you are both honest about how you feel, and why you feel that way – there is absolutely no reason why you can’t claim that happiness you both crave – and deserve.