Unfortunately, most unhappy marriages have one thing in common – there is little to no physical intimacy. To enjoy a happy and fulfilling sex life, you generally have to be happy and secure in your relationship.
Many people make the mistake of thinking just because they are human beings and sex is something that is a physical ‘need’, it will naturally happen regularly when they are in a long term relationship. Like your marriage itself, this department is something that needs to be nurtured and not neglected.
How often do you and your spouse enjoy physical intimacy with each other? Is it as much as you would like? Does one of you want it more than the other? Some people like to make the sweeping generalization that the husband in a marriage will want it far more than the wife and he will have to ‘get what he is given’. While perhaps it is true that men crave the physical side of things more than women, it’s also very important to most women too. Maybe it isn’t for quite the same reasons, but it is still important.
The bottom line is – a healthy sex life is one of the many benefits of a good, happy marriage. When things are good, it is something both of you will look forward to and enjoy. When things aren’t so good, the chances are that at least one of you will have a decreased interest and desire in that side of things.
It’s fair to say that for the majority of couples, there was at least one extended time period when they enjoyed a fruitful sex life. For some couples, this area has always been a prominent part of their marriage. If this isn’t the case for you, you might be asking yourself “What do they have that we don’t?”. There is no definitive answer to that question. It could be that those couples are simply very compatible physically and have similar ‘drives’. Or it could be that they have made sure to work on that area, to never neglect it and always make sure they make the time and effort for it.
If you’ve read this far, the chances are that for you, this area isn’t as good as it used to be, or it was never as good as you wanted it to be. You want to reignite that fire between you. The good news is that there are various ways you can achieve this. You’re still together, right? You came here looking for some answers and some help, right? Then there’s hope.
If you’ll excuse the pun, sex is a very sensitive area and it can be incredibly daunting even just to bring up the subject. It can be hurtful to your pride if you feel rejected by your partner, and the ‘rejector'(yes, I made that word up) often feels guilty and defensive.
The key (in my experience and that of most others) to fixing this area is communication. But it’d perhaps be naive to think you can just talk it out with your partner and things will be magically fixed. Besides, it could well be that you’ve been burned in the past by doing just that. Of course, there is the option of marriage counseling and even sex therapy – but do you really want to spend money to talk to someone about the issues you’ve been having? Probably not, at least not at this stage.
Having problems in this department creates frustration and impatience – for BOTH partners. And despite the fact the goal is for you to come together and work on things, you may both benefit from an approach tailored specifically for you and your gender. There is a great Ebook called Fix Your Sexless Marriage that has seperate advice for men and women. Check it out, it may be something that can help you out. It’ll certainly be a step in the right direction, and you don’t even need to tell your partner at first. Here, have a look – http://www.marriageadviceonline.net/fixyoursexlessmarriage.php
Another great book if you’re just looking to spice things up is 500 Lovemaking Tips & Secrets.