Be honest – has this question crossed your mind recently? This EXACT question. Think carefully. If it has – it’s a tell tale sign that you are already thinking in terms of ‘you and them’.
“Should I Get A Divorce?” – you no longer see you and your partner as a unit, instead you see yourselves as two completely separate people who live together and share a surname.
“Should We Get A Divorce?” – you perhaps still see yourselves as a unit, but wonder if the best thing would be to break up that unit for good.
Does it really matter if you have asked yourself either of these two questions? Not really – the fact is, the marriage is in such a place that you are considering ending it. However, think of it like this – you are currently on a marriage advice site – not a divorce advice one. So perhaps asking yourself that question is actually a definitive way to start seeking help and advice on fixing your relationship, rather than ending it.
As mentioned earlier, your choice of words can have some meaning too. There’s nothing wrong with thinking in terms of ‘me’ rather than in terms of ‘we’, in fact it’s completely natural – especially if things aren’t going well at the moment. Perhaps though, thinking in terms of you both is the best way forward.
Divorce (not a word we use often here) is a massive step. Whether it’s a step backwards or forwards, only you and your partner truly know. It may be that you are simply frustrated and unhappy at the moment, and think calling time on things would be the right thing to do, maybe the easiest thing to do. Or maybe you have been seriously considering it for a while. Either way, the d word is not something that should be taken lightly – and you should ask yourself the following questions when it crosses your mind:-
-Do you still love your partner?
-Are you both still willing to work on things?
-What kind of impact would divorce have on your children?
-What would the financial implications be?
-Would it move your life forward as an individual?
-Can you honestly say you have both put enough into the marriage to be able to end it with no regrets?
It’s the answers to these questions that will determine whether filing for divorce is something you should be seriously considering. Ideally, these questions need to be answered by you both, but if one of you really and truly wants to call it a day, then the other will probably have to accept it. For most of you though, it IS possible to save the marriage. Hopefully we can help you to do just that.
If things really aren’t looking good at the moment and you need things to improve starting yesterday, why not sign up (completely free and confidential) for our 7 Steps To Marriage Heaven E-Mail series? You can find it on the top right hand side of each page of the site.
I hope reading this has given you some food for thought, and from here you can make a decision on the next step to take. Taking no action will unfortunately mean that there is every likelihood that things will stay the same, and you and your marriage deserve better. It wont be easy, but it will more than likely be rewarding, no matter how things turn out.